Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Unicorns Need Love Too

As promised, sometimes this thing is just going to be an outlet for all random thoughts in my head. Here goes...

So, last week I went to the horse races, and I got to thinking about how I never went through that classic horse-loving stage like most girls did. Same goes for ponies—no interest—except my little ponies, which were cool because they had hot pink hair. They were different.

Which brings me to unicorns. My theory on unicorns is that they were out having fun while the serious, boring horses filed on board Noah’s Ark. See, the unicorns simply missed the boat. I’m guessing they made a run for it at the end, but I think Noah turned them away—

“Guys. Please. There’s only so much room on this boat. The floods are coming. And plus, I don’t want to enable a mis-named animal to make it to the future. I mean, seriously, why are you called unicorns? Shouldn’t it be uni-horns? It seems pretty straightforward to me.”

And so while it’s the fault of some scientist way back—or maybe even God (though I don’t like blaming him for stuff because he’s probably nice but maybe he’ll strike me down for this so why take the risk…you know?)—the unicorns got written out of history. The reality is that somewhere along the line someone messed up. I mean—one horn—uniHORN—makes sense to me, and I’m not even a scientist.

So anyway, Noah probably got all uppity and wouldn’t let them on even though I think if he picked a horned animal to leave behind he should have picked a rhino, because dear god those things are ugly (see above). Plus, even if said bad scientist did goof up the name, it’s not like they were going to make people re-write all those fantasy books and confuse princesses everywhere, right? So Noah really should have sucked it up and let them on. But that’s just me. I would have petitioned outside the ark if I had been there. Then again, I’m not THAT good of a swimmer.

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